realization

One realization I had recently came to me while being in a dance class. I observed myself finding the new choreography being difficult. Yes, observed.

This is how I experienced it at first: For no reason I suddenly became really angry, thinking the instructor did a really bad job creating a new choreography. It was boring, stupid, I wanted to quit, and by the way, all the other people in the class were idiots.

Why this sudden anger, that I by the way know has come to a lot of times before also?

This time was different though. After a moment I realized I am now observing this happening. And that makes a change because suddenly I could see that this reaction came from a feeling of not being able to master the choreography immediately.

After that time I keep observing this happening (also in other situations than dance classes). Because yes, it still happens, but as I am learning to identify the situations and just observe it happening, my reactions last shorter.

Maya,
Still learning.

the trap of thinking you are the only one

When thinking you are not the only one facing problems and negative situations, when thinking that you are really not that special in experiencing tough days, it all seems less bad. The voice in your mind screaming why-me-why-me will suddenly still.

M.

my true desires

How do I know that what I want is what I really want? That it is not something that follows me from my childhood or other times, things that I have picked up, about how I should be. How my life should be.

It seems like an hopeless task. No matter what I do it seems like I cannot figure out what I really want. It is strange, it feels hopeless. It cannot really be that hard, can it? I am scared that a lot of my choices are affected by what I think others' want me to do, and that I am somehow dependent of their confirmation.

I need to understand this better.

M.

ins:pired

Sometimes I feel so inspired that my whole body aches. This inspiration can come from a lot of things, but most likely it is coming from a person.
Someone with a story that is truly inspiring.

I have no idea how to use this energy and inspiration that comes to me. All I can do is lay back, listen to music and really savor the moment, the feelings, the shivers going through my body.

M.

that voice in the back of your mind

All day long, there is voice in the back of the mind, which gives reasoning for all decisions to be made, thoughts to be thought and emotions to be felt. It is making up excuses to justify whatever  comes along.

The clue, and the interesting part of this, is trying to observe that voice without acting on its demands. By doing this, the noise will disappear, and awareness and presence might become the result.

M.

life

I am that person

If I don't believe I am the person I want to be, how can I ever become like that? The responsibility is all on me. I am the only one who can make it happen. It is not like I do not like myself today, I just want to improve. I am that improved person.

M.